Omo, one Saturday I hear say one wedding dey happen for my area. The thing be say... Nobody invite me. But hunger no dey respect invitation card. 😭 So I wear my best shirt, carry serious face, and enter the venue like assistant best man. Nobody stop me. In fact one usher even greet me: “Good afternoon sir.” Sir?? Omo, confidence increase by 300%. 💀 I locate the food section immediately. Professional instincts. I collect rice, jollof, chicken, moimoi, small chops, and one bottle of malt. As I dey chop, one old woman sit beside me. She ask: “Are you from the groom's side or the bride's side?” I nearly choke. I say: “Both.” 😭 She look confused. I quickly add: “Family friend.” She nod. Danger avoided. Or so I thought. Thirty minutes later, MC carry microphone. He say: “All family members should come forward for group photographs!” Everybody stand up. My plate still half full. I pretend say I no hear. MC repeat am. People around me begin move. One aunty ask: “You're not coming?” I say: “I'm in charge of security.” 😭😭 She say: “What security?” I point randomly. “Covert security.” The aunty just stare at me. At that moment, one small boy pass and shout: “Mummy! Na this uncle I see outside before they open gate!” 💀💀💀 Omo. The whole table turn look me. I stood up calmly. I adjusted my shirt. I picked my malt. I picked my chicken. Then I said: “Emergency call. I'll be back.” Bro... I never came back. Till today, if I pass that street and hear wedding music, my body automatically enters stealth mode. 😭💀🍗